Crime Of Fashion

It's good to have MoDo back isn't it? What with Kit Seelye being relegated to Adwatch blurbs and Ceci devoting herself to becoming the female alternative to Morton Kondrake, there has been a serious dearth of bitchy, Mean Girl coverage of the campaign. I have been at a loss as to how one should interpret the candidates' character flaws as expressed in their clothing choices and it's awfully difficult to know who to vote for without that important insight.

Today, we find out that Wes Clark's decision to wear sweaters in New Hampshire during the past week, and his ill-fitting wardrobe in general, "intensifies the impression that he's having a hard time adjusting to civilian life." I didn't know that he had the dreaded bad wardrobe, nor did I know that he was having problems adjusting to civilian life. Now I can see that his clothing choices very clearly show that he's got serious psychological problems that can no longer be overlooked.

This is what makes MoDo a NT Yimes columnist and me an obscure blogger. When I saw Clark wearing a sweater last week, I thought it was because the temperatures in New Hampshire were breaking cold weather records and he was cold. Same thing with the duck boots. I stupidly assumed that he was wearing them because it was slippery outside and he didn't want to fall on his ass on the sidewalk. I didn't realize that he was sending some very important subliminal messages that only a trained journalist would be able to spot. This, my friends, is why she makes the big bucks.

I can't believe she missed the chance to advise Clark to go on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, though. She could have penned a "Don't Ask Don't Tell" riff that would have had the Kewl Kidz guffawing all over their eggbeater frittatas at brunch this morning. Of course, MoDo's thesis of the generic male Democratic Candidate is of an ungendered, ineffectual manchild, so she would have to steer clear. QEFTSG is a good natured comedy that features men of both orientations who are secure enough in their masculinity to send up their own images. MoDo cannot admit that any Democrat even knows who he is, much less that he's sure of his masculinity.

In MoDo land, Clark is a typical sissyfied Democrat who drones on about health care and abortion rights and affirmative action and all that other boring girly-man crap. He wears snow boots in New Hampshire in January purely because somebody told him it would make him more appealing to women. He's having trouble "adjusting." He's a typical liberal pussy.

I doubt very seriously that even the fact that Clark is a highly trained professional killer will be enough to dispell these new doubts about his masculinity. I should have remembered the premiere dictum of Democratic politics ever since Dukakis. Real Men have innate fashion sense.

Update: As always, I should read Atrios before I write anything. He's always ahead of the curve.